Addiction is a constant work in progress. Life is about balance. Finding a solid middle ground for all things we NEED to do and WANT to do. The wants and desires of course are always the hardest to put on hold or pull back the reins on, simply because of the physical pleasure they usually bring. We’re a conscious entity constantly connected, but separated by 6.5 billion physical bodies that distract us from the non-physical world.
The thing with addiction is that it usually stems from the addict not being happy with their current life/situation and choosing to escape or numb out their worries with physical pleasure or sometimes pain. Most addicts start to abuse the physical world in anyways they can, to avoid dealing with some of life’s harder emotions. Food, sex, drugs, gambling, alcohol, video games, sports, smoking and everything else that pleasures the body. In moderation ANYTHING can be ok and sometimes even good for you. Obviously that is not always the case and sometimes, controlling and managing one’s life can become difficult and sometimes impossible when one chooses to hide themselves in their addictive “ other “ world that they created.
As a recovering addict since Jan13th 2014, finding ways to live in harmony with my desires has been the biggest challenge. It’s always VERY easy to give into the body’s temptations and desires and set aside what your soul ACTUALLY needs. The physical gratification is usually instant and takes your mind/soul off of what may be bothering you, but everyone who’s been there knows, it’s a temporary mask and not a fix. Our soul needs to meditate, connect to the cosmos and global conscious entity that we all share in in order to grow and become enlightened. Life isn’t about the physical pleasures, it’s about learning to not get LOST in them. The mental/emotional stimulation is what connects us to all the information in the universe. Kind of like a giant hard drive with all the universes information stored on it. The only way to access it is to train your mind and soul to stop focusing on the physical needs and pleasures so much while learning to escape them through meditation, self-awareness, kindness, patience and human emotional connection. So many relationships fail and fall apart because of our inability to communicate and our choice to numb and escape through physical pleasure.
The problem is, we currently live in a world dominated by physical pleasures. Everywhere we look, someone is trying to sell something to someone with promises of gratification, so they can make money and then go buy something for themselves for the same reason.
As a recovering addict who’s always looking to better himself, I was shocked and thrown for a loop when I realized recently that I had been doing a lot of the same behaviors as before when I was using. However it wasn’t with drugs. It was with a game on my phone at home. It started out as a simple time passer when I was at home or alone. However, as time went on, I found myself using the game as an excuse or reason to avoid dealing with or working on my internal self and the relationships around me that allowed me to connect on a higher level. I had lost the trust of my current GF at the time. In fact, I had lost it a few times, and I was desperately trying to force the situation to work. I was pushing against life’s flow and current and it pushed back. We argued and things progressively got worse because 1) I chose to get lost in my game instead of working on us and 2) She had already given up and therefor stopped trying long ago as well. My game became my escape. I started playing it on breaks, in the studio, dinner, and the worst, was playing it while having my daughter at home. I justified it at the time by saying it was ok because SHE was on her device as well. I justified it with the girlfriend by saying “ She doesn’t care to try so why should I”.
All of that, finally came crashing down around me the end of last year. I had been already feeling like I needed to take a break from the game and was going to set it aside and work on myself. My mind and heart and soul knew what I needed but my addictive personality got in the way. We broke up and the moment I sat there to think about all the reasons why we got to where we were, 1 of the main reasons was because I chose to numb out on a game instead of working on us or leaving us the moment I lost trust in her. This also made me stop and look at my actions as a whole over the last year. I sat alone and after re-examining my life, I deleted my game right there and then. I realized I had been taking away time from my daughter, ex gf, family, music and meditation along with everything else that helps the soul grow. I felt worse for my daughter. Although we did A LOT together, and it wasn’t often I had my game on, it was MORE then I was willing to accept. There was NO benefit from playing my game other than I enjoyed the challenges and it took me away from the life I was unhappy in. That hit me HARD. I didn’t want to be in a life I didn’t enjoy and I didn’t want to be where I was. Deleting the game I had spent 100’s of dollars on over a year was difficult by necessary and easier to do once I realized the negative effect. I also changed my daughters schedule to include less youtube time on her device and more quality, creative and rewarding activities. No lie, we had the BEST weekend ever after that. I actually sat her down too and honestly apologized to her for not being more “present” and told her I deleted my game. She was actually happy and acknowledged my lack of presence even though I didn’t think she did notice. How wrong was I….
The moral of my story today is simple, life is about balance and harmony and not getting caught up in the physical pleasures and distractions that take us away from our true purpose. Enlightenment through learning and knowledge of the universe and through sharing of love and kindness. Everything can be an addiction or escape if over used. Be self aware, and always realize the value of your time. Ask yourself this, what do YOU want to be remembered for? That guy/girl who was always getting high, playing games and doing things that really mean nothing? Or do you want to be remember for helping make the world a better place by BEING better and teaching our children how to be better.
Crazy Awful Beautiful Life 